Saturday, September 24, 2011

Becoming an adult: the foreign student way.

One of the things that will help ANY kid turn into an adult is living as a foreign student. Really.

I will bet a whole dollar on this subject.

Take any snobby, rich, pompous teenager and throw him/her into the hands of the real world, without any help from mommy or daddy, and I do mean any sort of help: no clean laundry, no warm bed, no good food, no clean house, no NOTHING.

Let's start a sort of description of what could occur to our test subject: Timmy.

Timmy is a teenager that thinks his life is perfect because he has his own room, with a LED TV, a king sized bed, an Xbox 360, PS3 and Nintendo Wii, and every cool stuff and gadget you can imagine.
But there is a catch to this perfect life: test subject Timmy has never worked in his entire life, never helped mom with the house chores, never asked dad about car issues or money administration, never helped out his sister with cooking, never done any good thing or had to work to get all those things, making him take things for granted.

But what is THAT on the table test subject? Is that a letter from the community college accepting you? GREAT! Let's begin your new journey into adulthood!

Part 1: Moving.
Test subject Timmy will have to move to another city, 4 hours away from home. He thinks "Perfect, now my parents won't be able to check on me every single second of my life! I will finally be free and will be able to do ANYTHING I WANT!"

Test subject Timmy packs his three consoles, his fancy leather jacket, 20 bazillion jeans and t-shirts, and his awesome LED TV. But, what's that Timmy? You can't afford rent by yourself and you'll have to live with another three dudes? And share a room with one of them? FANTASTIC! The closet is not big enough? You'll have to keep most of your stuff inside the luggage bag? Awwwww, that's too bad!
What's that now? Your new roomies never heard of deodorant? Awww, TOO BAD!

Part 2: Sharing a bathroom.
So, you finally settled in and managed to fit all your stuff in the tiny 4x4 room you share with your gorilla roomate that smells funny and sleeps naked.
Now it's time to take a bath and get ready for your first day at college! FUN!
But, what's that? There is somebody in the bathroom and someone else is in line! And your class starts in 20 minutes!?! BUMMER!!

You finally get inside the bathroom, with only 5 minutes left, and SURPRISE SURPRISE! Facial hair EVERY WHERE! Now you're missing your clean bathroom that your dear mommy used to take care of, right?

Part 3: Food.
Living as a foreign student can be either thrilling and fascinating, or scaring and overwhelming. Room and bathroom times are not the only thing you have to share. Food is a whole different matter.
Test subject has bought his favorite cereal and places it near the refrigerator. Test subject Timmy leaves to school and later comes back to see his EMPTY cereal box.... WHAT ON EARTH HAS HAPPENED TO IT?!?

Apparently, test subject Timmy does not know the basic rules of sharing a house with three other dudes: NEVER LEAVE YOUR SPECIAL FOOD IN PLAIN SITE. Period.
Not only will other people eat it and blame the others, but they will also either burn or throw away food at any sort of whim.
Lesson learned.

Part 4: Paying bills and rent.
Test subject Timmy gets 500 dls per month to pay rent, bills, buy food, school materials, etc etc. But test subject Timmy forgets that mommy and daddy also have to pay for other stuff, and decides to waste his money on parties and alcohol and cool clothes (which don't fit in his tiny closet) to look good for college girls.
What's that? You and your roommates forgot to turn off the lights and the electric bill exploded? And you don't have enough money?
What ever will you do, Timmy? You called your parents and they said that you are on your own because they are still paying for that LED TV you have in your room (that just broke because your gorilla roommate accidentally pushed it over with this schoolbag) and now you're stuck? TOO BAD! I guess you'll have to sell your Xbox. BOO-HOO!
Lesson learned!

Part 5: Laundry.
Test subject Timmy never helped his mom or even took the time to ask about laundry issues. So now, he is stuck with his two-week-old clothes. What's that Timmy? You don't have enough money to pay for two washing machines? What's the worst thing that could happen you ask, if you put all your clothes in one single machine? Let's see!

Oh noes! All of your white clothes have been replaced by some weird pink, blueish clothes? And your socks and underwear seem smaller? Awwww, TOO BAD! You are wishing you helped out your mom more often? Yes, YOU SHOULD HAVE!

Part 6: Sickness.
You were out all night while it was raining because you forgot your keys and your roommates were out? And now you are sick? Aw, poor test subject Timmy. You are wishing for your parents or sister to be here to take care of you and make you a warm soup?

But they can't be here, they live FOUR HOURS AWAY! What's that? You never knew how much they did for you? Good for you to notice. Maybe you should give them a call and tell them that, after you pay your telephone bill.

Part 7: House cleaning.
So, you have managed to live a whole month with your obnoxious roommates that have their music very loud until 3am, not letting you sleep and making you remember about all those times your dad told you to turn your music off............. Good old dad, you sure miss him now, don't you?
But you don't live with him anymore... nope. Now you have come to realize that you have new roommates: cockroaches.

Yes, apparently they will come to visit your house every time it's dirty and, let's face it, living with three dudes, that's almost every day.
You've never seen a broom or any sort of cleaning supplies. What do you do? Look it up on Google! GOOD FOR YOU! (kinda sad, but at least you are using the technology for another purpose other than copying essays and looking up at certain type of pictures or videos).

Part 8: The discovery.
Congratulations! You have finally realized all the things that your parents did for you without getting anything in exchange, other than your love as a son. You give your parents a call and thank them for everything, as well as asking them for tips, tips that a couple of weeks ago you would have hated, but now adore and listen to with care and wonder.
Test subject Timmy is now capable of handling a house, paying bills, doing his own laundry, and taking care of his own life.

Seriously, becoming a foreign student is the only (or fastest) way to become an adult. Been there, done that. Try it out, you won't regret it.

And if it doesn't work, well, you win a whole imaginary dollar! :D

Thursday, September 8, 2011


So, I was talking to my mom about the blog, and she decided to tell me a story; a story, that happened 23 years ago...

I was a weird child, always getting into trouble, jumping around, trying to get attention, fighting with my older brother, acting in front of groups of people (because, apparently, I liked to pretend I was a spokeswoman), always coming up with stuff to "express" myself.
Back then, I wasn't afraid of anything: I loved scary movies, especially the ones with lots of blood; I would go out and play with mud and dirt (just like any other regular kid); I even put a cricket in my mouth once (which makes me feel bad for my mom... SHE had to take it out).

It all started when I was 2 years-old; not only did I learn to walk, but I also learned to "move around on my own".
In simple words: I was trouble.

It was summer and, back in the days, the city would get really REALLY hot.
My mom was quietly doing her motherly chores, while my father was at work and my older brother with my cousins.
I, on the other hand, was "asleep", and had a baby monitor (the very first ones, I think). But I-as we all know by now-am ninja. So, sensing the excessive heat in my room, I quietly got up and decided to do something about it.

It wasn't until a few 10 or 20 minutes later that my mother heard a very soft, weird noise coming from the kitchen.

She approached the kitchen, and..............




I was sitting on the floor, with the refrigerator door open (how I managed to open the door, it's still a mystery), covering myself with butter. A BUCKET OF BUTTER. I was completely covered: body, diaper, hair........ everything was buttery!

My mom quickly sprinted towards me, taking the bucket of sweet, COLD, butter away from me. She then proceeded to try to carry me to the bathroom to clean me up BUT I was covered in butter, ergo, I was slippery!

She couldn't get a hold of me! So, she decided to get a towel and wrap me around with it, taking me to the shower to bathe me.

It took her nearly 40 minutes to get all the butter off of me... God bless my mom. I love her!

Funny fact: I still love butter! You would think that something like that would gross me out, but no. Not at all. I loooove toast bread with butter!

Anyways, what are you guys up to these days?

I wanted to thank you for all of your support and for making the blog international: it's now being read in over 30 countries! So thank you so much, my dear dear gremlins! I couldn't have done this without you :)

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed this week's post!

EDIT: I forgot to tell you guys about the video of this week! Check it out:

Thursday, September 1, 2011

My brother, "the coyote trainer", and a cockroach bit me!

Remember how I said that I lived with three other people? Well, one of those is my kid brother, Luis. Living with my kid brother is... well, interesting.

Don't get me wrong, I love him and he is the sweetest kid I know, BUT, we are too different: I sing out loud, he hates loud noises; I want to clean the house during the day, he wants to do it during the night; I like to hug him, he doesn't like being hugged; I want Chatis to live inside the house, he wants her outside of the house; I want to play Mario Party, he hates playing Mario Party (because he always wins... I am sure he cheats, I just know it!).

We disagree on a daily basis on a lot of things. Then again, we can be the best team if we set our minds to it: he cooks, I do the dishes; he calls the landlord to fix the house problems and other repairs, I take care of paying the rent; he plans the list of stuff we need to buy, I drive us to the grocery store; there's a creepy guy outside of our house? Luis takes care of it!

My brother is awesome, I know: he never parties, he's neat and clean, he's super smart and he has really good friends and a caring girlfriend. I really can't complain. But lately... lately we've been having some really strange calls. People keep calling for "Luis, the coyote trainer". WHAT THE F!?!?

Neither one of us has an idea of what that is about. We asked Luis and he doesn't know either, he says it's probably the wrong number.
But, seriously, SERIOUSLY, a "coyote trainer"? REALLY?!?! WHY ON EARTH would someone call a coyote trainer? I don't think there's even a coyote trainer listed in the yellow pages! And even if there were, what are the chances that his name is Luis and his house number would be similar to ours? HUH!?!?


(Okay, I just looked it up and, no, there is no coyote trainer whatsoever. BOOYA!):

My little brother is no coyote trainer (as far as I know). But the calls won't stop! I really can't imagine my little brother trying to train a coyote.

(Hmm... Okay... He just might probably be able to do it.)

Seriously, WHAT is the DEAL with THAT!? A COYOTE TRAINER? REALLY?!?! Augh!!!! I guess we'll never truly now for sure. But, mark my words: if they call again and I pick up the phone, I'm asking! I DON'T CARE!

Anyways, sorry for the lateness of the blog, but I've been working a lot lately! I'm also uploading videos on Youtube, if you guys want to check those out.

And, yes, you are probably wondering about the rest of the title of this blog, "a cockroach bit me"... well, it did! It really happened! HONEST!
I woke up yesterday, and I was just about to leave for work when I spotted a "dead" cockroach upside down. I grabbed some napkins and put them on top of the roach, then proceeded to step on it (yes, I use the napkins so my shoes won't get stained) and then picked it up with another napkin, and STING! The little bastard bit me! IT WASN'T DEAD YET! As if the poison (our house has this awesome poison effect that lasts for the whole year and it kills roaches and ants) and the stepping on wasn't enough! So, I threw it to the floor and stepped on it, again, and again, and again, until I was sure it was completely dead.

I think that if the world really ends in 2012, the only living thing that's gonna make it through are roaches; I have no idea how they manage to survive so easily! But, they always do. Always.
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Easy Win, Flawless Victory Blog by Mariel Garcia is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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