Friday, July 15, 2011

One of the most embarrassing moments in my life

Ok, so I was reading a few of my very veeeery past emails, and I came across one in particular that made me laugh A LOT.
As you can probably tell by the title, this one is actually pretty fun and I decided to share it with you guys.

I've never been rich and I still aren't. Thing is, I graduated from a really good private university here in Mexico, but in order to pay for it I had to work (I had a good scholarship, but it was still a pretty expensive college).

If you read my older posts, you'll notice I moved away from my parents house when I was 15, but I still came back to town during vacation time. And I liked coming back; being able to sleep in you own bed, having your mom making super awesome breakfast, don't have any worries about paying rent or bills or doing the laundry... It was awesome! I had my own "get-away" vacations every six months. AND I LOVED IT! (I love it so much, that I am actually visiting my parents right now, hehehe).

College was fun, I still miss it sometimes; seeing your friends every day ('cause now everybody works and it makes it harder for us to get together in one place at a certain time), having only homework to worry about, being able to skip class sometimes and not have any trouble... It was fun.
What I DIDN'T like about college was that this college in particular was like living in a fashion runway, and being all fancy and important, the school was FILLED with rich snobby kids who didn't know anything about life and hard work; they took everything for granted, never studied or did their homeworks, always skipping classes and then getting mad at the teachers for flunking them, and always trying to make the average kids' life a living hell.
One of those rich snobby kids was------let's call him BOB. So, BOB, was always trying to show off and was one of the few (before he eventually had to drop out 'cause he was stupid) who tried to make MY life miserable.
I know, I know, it sounds very mean of me to speak like that about him, buuuuut I have my reasons: he really did do everything he could to make my life miserable, including using his media influences... but he FAILED!!! Mwuahahahaaaa!!!! Victory dance for me:
<( '.' )>      <( '.'<)       <( '.' )>      (>'.' )>       <( '.' )>

Anyways, college was cool in spite of all the snobby kids, but it was really expensive. So, every time I came back to town to visit my parents, I had to get a job to raise money to pay for the next semester's tuition.
One of my first jobs during college was being a hostess for a fancy restaurant. I was actually aiming to be a waitress, but the manager had a "only man waiter" policy, for no reason whatsoever. Ergo, I was stuck as a hostess.

At first, I didn't think it was bad, I actually thought it was a way better deal: I would receive customers and send them towards their table. DONE. Pay up.
But, as always, I was wrong. Very wrong. Turns out, part of my duties included:
1.- Cleaning tables.

2.- Cleaning the windows (and there were TONS of HUGE windows all around, including the doors which were made of glass).

3.- Taking out the trash.

4.- Cleaning all the menus (including the ones with baby drool).

5.- Take the appetizers to each table, or the food in case all the waiters were busy.
6.- Take care of the bills when the cashier was out.
7.- Give kids their special menu and crayons.
8.- Clean the bathrooms (both men and women), and boooy are people messy!

9.- Help out in the kitchen if they need help.
10.- And smile :)

So, yeah... I had to clean the bathrooms and do the dishes. FUUUUUN, huh?
Anyways, my shift started at 5pm, and I had to wear black suit pants, heals and a shirt that was too big for me 'cause they didn't have any of my size. In other words, a Large Male shirt. ORANGE. The manager said they would bring me a new shirt tomorrow, but I had to wear this one for now. I looked ridiculous. Ugly. Fat but tiny at the same time. It was awful.

The first couple of hours were pretty smooth, only old people would come to have some coffee and cake or pie ('cause the cake is a lie, of course). But as soon as it hit 8pm, it was CRAZY. The restaurant was full and people would still be coming, waiting in line for their table.
Babies were puking, kids would keep smudging the windows, people would spill their drinks, and others would scream angrily because their table wasn't ready.

The end of my shift was something I was looking for eagerly. The clock was just a couple of minutes before 1am. The last duties for me where to sweep and mop the floor, so I quickly got to it.

And then........... DUN DUN DUN!!! Who do you think walks through the door? Come on, try to guess. Come on. I know you can do it. Give up? Ready? Yes. It was the one and only BOB! BOB was visiting MY TOWN (my lovely and peaceful town) with a couple of his friends, and now they wanted to hit the bar at the restaurant.

Can you imagine my surprise? Picture this: you have been working really hard all day, in spite of all the people who were making it real hard for you, cleaning bathrooms (that's the pee of other people you don't even know), moping vomit from the floor, wearing a ridiculously huge orange shirt, with a messy hair bun, and looking forward to head to the safety of your home to take a long bath and then sleeping warm in your bed. Now, have all of that taken away from you and being punched in the face by a gorilla with shark teeth and sunglasses, wearing a pale pink polo shirt with the neck up, and his hair looking like a mango chupado.

(Mango chupado is a term my clever mom invented to try to explain the spiky-metro-upward hairdo men sometimes use... I guess you can translate it into sucked mango, it looks something like this:)

Here's a picture 'cause I really can't draw a sucked mango:

Picture from "Edible Tropicals" Blog

Well, in any case, the feeling I got was worse than having someone deleting your save game just before you kill the final boss. I would know. I've been there.

I quickly tried to make myself disappear. But my boss was all like "why are you hiding in the VIP room? Go and get those people a table at the bar". How could he be so mean? So heartless! He didn't know! He couldn't understand! If BOB saw me like that, he would win the battle (but not the war thou, I don't go down that easily). And I like winning, well, LOVE winning, and I couldn't give this battle to BOB! So I quickly ninjad myself to the ladies bathroom and gave myself a little help by brushing my hair and my sweat off.
I came back, and they were still there. But now there was a spilled drink in the floor.

"Here, they told me to bring it to you so you could clean the floor. Sorry," a waiter said as he handed me a mop. And BOB was looking. Standing right there. Looking at myself with a mop, and a huge orange male shirt. FAILURE.

But then I thought, "alright, if I am going down, I will do it with glory and dignity". I took the mop and started moping. And I rocked it! I moped so awesome, sparkles began to show (hypothetically, but you get the idea).

I quickly finished and headed towards BOB and his snobby gorilla friends.

Me: "Hi, welcome to NAME I AM NOT GOING TO SAY restaurant. Table for how many?" I really should have ended that sentence with chimpanzees, but I was still on the clock.
BOB: "Six, please."
Me: "Alrighty then, this way please. Follow me." Yeah, you do that. FOLLOW ME. 'Cause you're so stupid you'll probably get lost in the way.
BOB: "Hey, I know you, you study in my school right?" YOUR school? I didn't know you freaking owned it. And great job pretending you don't know me.
Me: "Yes, I do."
BOB: "But you live here?" Uhm, unless I have a twin sister, I guess I do. DUH!
Me: "Yes, I live here. And why are you visiting us?" Yeah, what the 'F' are you doing here?
BOB: "Oh, well, WE got invited to join the Government speech group, and WE also got to attend a couple of conferences and see the inauguration of a new building, blah blah blah, I'm important and you're not, blah blah blah." 
Me: "Wow, that sure sounds important." NOT.
BOB: "It IS! I am SO lucky to be apart of this. OH! I'm soooorry, I guess working here must be pretty darn cool too, huh? Aaaaaanyway, see you later."
Me: "Yeah, enjoy your drinks." They will be poisoned, just so you know.

I quickly left them and then BOB whispered something to his friends and they all began to laugh. Awesome.

And then my shift ended and I hated my job even more. Hahaha!!! Sorry, but I really disliked it 'cause of all the "clean the bathrooms" thing... I have freaking OCD. It ain't a walk in the beach.

But yeah, that was pretty awkward and embarrassing and silly.


  1. hahahaha I laughed so hard, awesome post! and FIRST!

  2. AWESOME sis but at the end u win hes sucking of the goverment tit ad u have a nice a honest job.... ok maybe it dosent sound like a win but it is XD cya sis

  3. Awww!!! Thanks bro!!! I know, I was doing an honest job and he was just bragging around!!!
    He had to drop out of college thou, so that proved my point :)

  4. Poor Mariel... Always in trouble, you really should have a TV show like... the one of Corey and Topanga... I would see that :p

  5. Hahahahaha, thanks Sebas!!!! xD

  6. No cabe duda que los bien portados e inteligentes siempre tuvimos esos demonios grandulones poco cerebro acosándonos desde la escuela. Nomás porque sí. Los míos aún siguen arrastrándose en algún lado de la Tierra.

    Hahaha, apenas hoy descubrí tu blog, me has hecho el día después de una terrible mañana de despido y trabajo, esperando a que sean las 2 para salir de la aburrida oficina.

    Seguiré al pendiente :D

  7. Hahahaa! Y tú me hiciste el día con el comentario! Muchas gracias Claudia!
    Y sí, tienes toda la razón: siempre habrá grandulones sin cerebro que hostiguen a las buenas personas!
    ¡Saludos! :D

  8. arggg but the world is constantly turning around!!! one day!!! one day!!! there is a God!
    nahhh you are already a winner,enjoy!

  9. aaaww thank you so much (mom)!!!! I love you!!!

  10. I couldn't stop laughing at Bob's picture. Its just neat!


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