My mind... it's crazy

Be advised. People who are not "PG-13" or people who are sensitive or easily offended should probably not read this... 'Kay? Good!


I am a weird person. My mind does not work as it should... I have a few good arguments to prove my point:

1) I always think about the worst possible outcome of things, or bad stuff happening to people, honestly. For example, every time I'm driving and I see a person riding a bike close to my car, I think about what would happen if I opened my door... ALWAYS. But I never do it ('cause I know it would probably physically hurt the person).

I've talked to my friends and apparently they NEVER think about that (yeah, right); it's just me... crazy ol' me.

I'm not a bad person (or at least I don't think about myself that way), because I never do the things that my evil mind tells me to do----well, there was this ONE time when I did: a couple of people were leaning on a friend's car, and I had his keys, so I pressed the "PANIC" button and the alarm went off and the people jumped in surprise and confusion, and I went like "oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know what that button did!" and I gave my friend his keys back.... Does that make me a bad person? Because I thought it was hilarious!!!!!!

2) I have a little bit of road-rage... I always say weird things to the other not-so-smart-because-you-don't-know-what-the-green-light-means-car-drivers stuff like "YOU SUCK! And you know what you suck? Dick. That's what you suck. You suck dick. And you enjoy it. And you're not even gay, so that's making you feel weird and confused right now." (No offense to the gay community. I don't mean it like that... It's just funny for me to say it to awful drivers... We cool?............ AWESOME!!! HIGH FIVE!!!).
Is that bad? In my defense, they can't hear me. When I have a misunderstanding with people, I never EVER say anything to them, 'cause I'm a good person and I don't want to hurt their feelings. But still, I'm really worried that my mind is not working the way it's supposed to work.

3) I talk to myself, OUT LOUD, wherever I am. Be it in my office, my house, my car, parties, in the super market... I don't care. But apparently people DO care because they always stare at me, specially if I'm talking in a Russian accent (thanks Call of Duty: Black Ops).

4) I sing and act... Glee songs... while I'm driving (which some people consider to be dangerous, but I disagree... I'm careful and always look both ways, and wear my seat-belt).
Other drivers always stare at me. I guess they're saying that I look stupid and crazy, probably retarded, but I don't care. I rather think that they're saying "Wow! She looks like a professional singer. She looks like she is SO dedicated to her job, that she's even doing her rehearsal in her car! I am lucky to be one of the few who is actually seeing her perform. I am speechless." And it makes my day :)

5) Every time I'm alone ('cause I live with three other people) and there's no one to cook, I don't cook anything... ANYTHING. I know how to cook, but I never do it if I'm alone... I'm too lazy. I eat like a homeless person: water, bread, cheese... and cookies. You should see me buying food for myself. This is what my cart looks like:

That's: bread, lactose-free milk ('cause my hobo stomach is weak and it can't take the real thing), cheese, ham, cookies, toilet paper, paper towels (yes, not napkins... paper towels are bigger and cheaper), and tuna. Forgive me for not drawing every single one of my items, but you get the point.

6) I'm afraid of clowns. People like them, but not me, nah-ah. Oh no. I am teeeerrified. If I see a clown, I'd be like "GET ME OUTTA HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

HOW are you NOT scared by THAT? Clowns are evil!!! Did you not see "IT"? The movie? Well, if you haven't.... DON'T!!!!!! Honestly, every person who's seen it (as a kid) is afraid of clowns.

Mimes are the worst. If I see a mime, I will start crying. Seriously. There was this one time that I went to a wedding, and for no apparent or LOGICAL reason, the bride and groom decided to hire not one, but TWO mimes to keep the people entertained.

My reaction? Cry every single time the mimes would come close to the table where I was sitting. Thankfully, a friend of mine noticed my eminent terror and fear of mimes, and took me safely away from them to the dance floor. (8) It's murder on the dance floooooor, but you better kill the mimes, hey hey, it's murder on the dance floooor, but you better run away, dj, gonna burn this goddamn wedding right down (8).

7) I have OCD. Yes. HOW can a person like ME have it? NO IDEA! I just do. Every time I leave my house, I have to make sure the door is locked, and I check it over and over again, until my weird brain says enough. I also triple check my alarm. I have to live in a SPOTLESS, CLEAN, SPARKLING house, and everything has to be in the same exact place. I know when somebody has been in my room, I can tell: I know the exact distance and place of every single one of my things. And my clothes? Organized in type (shirts, dresses, jeans) and color (black, then white, then brown, then yellow, then green, then blue, then purple, then pink, then orange, and finally red). Yes. I am crazy.

I'm weird. Period. I am strange and bizarre. Nothing you can do about it...

Does that make me a bad person? What do you guys think?